It's been a long time since my last post, hope everybody in a great, healthy, the most important happy condition. I'm really apologize for my long hiatus, and in this opportunity I wanna greet everybody, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Chinese New Year! I know it's very, very, extremely late to say that. But late it's always better than nothing.
So, how's life?
For me, so many things happened, I explored many many more characters of people, and should I say I explored and learned many things. Just some highlight, I've finished my internship, I got a very, very great boss -I might say the best boss ever exist in this cruel world, and I've started to work as a freelance Graphic Designer and Illustration, and from there I got my own money, and it feels so good. Next thing, I'm a third year student right now and I'm graduating soon. Oh my God, I can't believe it. So, I'm doing my Final Year Project right now, and it's about my upcoming Graduation Show itself. WOW!
So, that's pretty much of it. And the problem is, as usual, I had so many things running around in my mind right now. Seriously, it's a LOT. It's kind of a huge pile of papers that flying around and being messed up because of a typhoon just happened. Okay, first thing first, I'm really nervous for my upcoming presentation. So, I joined a pitch for my upcoming Graduation Show visual identity. I really really wanna join up in this pitch, not being naive, I want it to appear in my 'weak' portfolio, since I feel that I'm really a newbie in this field, and I'm really green, and I'm a weak-not-outstanding one, I've never -not say never, lets say rarely, won any competitions, I feel that I'm very far from good, and well, basically I have no confidence.
I really need quite a time to decide whether should I join in this pitch, I feel I had no capability of being persuasive and 'sell' something, in the first place. I had no confidence about the concept I'm going to propose. I know, if you can't even convince yourself, how are you gonna convince other people? There are so many many questions inside my mind that I keep asking myself about my concept. Is this good enough? Why are you choose this out of many things in this earth? Are you sure that this is good enough? Gosh, really, this is driving me crazy.
And, I'm really, really pathetic in case of presentation, especially in English. I'm not fluent in English, well since English is not my mother tangue language. And the worst thing, did you ever imagine my competitors? WOW! I don't even want to imagine that. Okay, let me tell you, what I heard so far, one of them, are a whole class joined as a group. Ouuuhhh~ How can one brain compete with twenty over brains?
From what you heard, you know that you're not gonna win. Definitely. But at that time, I called my mum. Should I say, she's really an angel? She's really wise. I tell her the full story of it, and I shared everything in my mind. What she said to me was:
"You are afraid because you expect something.. You should just take this as an experience, you'll never know. Be dare to challenge yourself, since you know that you're not really good in this kind of thing (presentation), you should take this as an exercise, to make it better. What you need to do it's just go, present your mind, express your idea, expect nothing, and going out. Remember, don't you ever expect something, just give it a try. Sometimes, you know, it's going to be better and all out if you just do it without any burden of expectation."
That's one of the most wise advice I've ever heard from her. She know how to support me, encourage me, and giving an advice in the same time. I really thank God for giving me this wonder woman, I LOVE YOU MOM.
But, the problem didn't stop there. I know that I should give it a try, just give my best, expect nothing, and everything would be okay, problem solved. BUT, as a human being, can you just do something without expectation come with it? You should have, at least, 0.0000000000000000000000000000001% of expectation. Am I right? It's no longer about having zero expectation, it's about HOW TO HAVE THIS 'ZERO-EXPECTATION'? The moment I'm thinking about expecting nothing from this, I have no more interest to join this pitch. But, when I have even 0.0000000000000000000000000000001% expectation, and the fact is just the opposite of it, I would be sad, at least a day, exactly. And it would affect all my mood, my mind, my brain, even my FYP, definitely anything.
Oh gosh! Live is complicated right? I know. GAH!
Please please, for those having an answer for this, please I beg you, leave a comment and give me a hard bang on my head.
Anyway, for those who are staying in Singapore, or gonna come to Singapore, between February 16 and March 2, if I'm not wrong, and interested in Graphic Design, Art, and Photography, you should come to Noise Festival at ION Orchard. One of my project was showcased there! Please do come and support me :D
Thank you very much for read all of those crap in my mind.
I'll be going to prepare my presentation, which is this upcoming monday, and I can promise one thing here. I'll give my best shot! Promise.
See you in the next post! Have a great night!
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