February 10, 2017

Hi everyone. How's your day? I hope it's amazing, not like mine. Sigh.

So, I had a new revolution starting from today. After a halfway of reading a very very great book titled, How to Think Like a Great Graphic Designer,  it's a very very recommended book actually, I've learned one thing I called the 5 years cycle. Every designer would have this cycle I'm pretty sure. What do I mean of cycle? It's about the time that you should reflect on your self about what you've done in this 5 years, filter some things out, and finally you should say goodbye to it. You should left it out and begin a new thing. Nothing is last forever in this world and for all designers this execution time comes once in five years.

So ..., from now on, all my post will be titled based on the date I write it, but, I'll add five years for the years. In five years time, I hope I could re-read it and filter some things out of it and finally said my farewell to the rest. I might giggling about my stupidity and naiveness, but all of this is a very precious moment I've gone through in the process. And I know, for sure, someday I will be success, I believe in this, for the sake of every people who has loved me.

Today's story. I'm being embarrassed in front of everyone. Guess what? One of my great lecturer, a very great lecturer, Winnie Tan, she ask me to do one of the yoga pose to relieve my stress. Okay I know it's really embarrassing. So I asked the whole class to follow her, and end up the whole class is doing yoga today. Yeah, right. But it's not about the yoga I'm gonna talking about today, it's about her, should I say sincerity? I don't even know what a right word should I express it. So, I'm really stress actually, honestly, I feel like stuck, I can't think properly and worst, I'm being sensitive these days because of my you-know-what. Like I said before, my head was filled up with a ton of questions about my FYP, about the concept, about my capability. And actually, I'm still feels bad for one of my best friends, Jessica. I had such a misunderstanding with her, and it was my fault. I know I shouldn't that sentence, but I said it. This stupid mouth and brain of mine, I don't even know what happened to them, but they just say the words out. And it's just happened. I know I've been apologizing her so many many times, and I think she had forgiven me, but I feel that I'm a really, really bad person for saying that words. I feel like have no attitude. I really don't mean it, Cika, and I couldn't forgive myself for doing that to you.

In additional,  this morning, the other lecturer didn't support me in the way that, she told me that she's confused with my concept. Her face expression, her gesture are all already expressed that she didn't stand in a same way with me. She's lost. So, with those all problems stuck in my head, honestly I feel like crying, but I know I shouldn't do it and embarrass myself. I try to hold it, but at that time, the situation is just, oh God, it's like screaming at you and tell you to cry out loud. I told Winnie about what Bell has told me about, and she's actually understand my position. But same thing, she stand opposite me. What she has said was:

"You are boxing yourself and you try to fit yourself in this box. If you feel that this 'Baking' concept is not working anymore, why should you boxing yourself inside and try to fit yourself in? You should just open the box and free yourself. You should stop looking outside and begin to look into yourself, NAFA is about us, it's about your personal experience. And personal experience is something about doing that you like, it's about doing something happily. Something that's done happily will produce something that can make people happy too. It will automatically inspire people."

Another great advice again. I found it true to be honest. This concept made me asking so many questions to myself, and ... that's it! I meet the end part of it. This should just be ended here. So, today, at this moment I finally meet the situation that has been describe in that book, when you are actually face a wall and you should be dare to leave all the things here. Because everything you're gonna do, the wall would never gonna be moved, and it might end up you just stuck yourself there, trying to fix yourself in.

So people, let's move back, try to find another way out, and wrap up!
Everything's gonna be okay. It's a common thing here. Don't be scared to express your mind, if you did it happily, it will definitely inspiring.
See you in the next post! Have a great day :D

February 8th, 2012

It's been a long time since my last post, hope everybody in a great, healthy, the most important happy condition. I'm really apologize for my long hiatus, and in this opportunity I wanna greet everybody, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Chinese New Year! I know it's very, very, extremely late to say that. But late it's always better than nothing.


So, how's life?


For me, so many things happened, I explored many many more characters of people, and should I say I explored and learned many things. Just some highlight, I've finished my internship, I got a very, very great boss -I might say the best boss ever exist in this cruel world, and I've started to work as a freelance Graphic Designer and Illustration, and from there I got my own money, and it feels so good. Next thing, I'm a third year student right now and I'm graduating soon. Oh my God, I can't believe it. So, I'm doing my Final Year Project right now, and it's about my upcoming Graduation Show itself. WOW!


So, that's pretty much of it. And the problem is, as usual, I had so many things running around in my mind right now. Seriously, it's a LOT. It's kind of a huge pile of papers that flying around and being messed up because of a typhoon just happened. Okay, first thing first, I'm really nervous for my upcoming presentation. So, I joined a pitch for my upcoming Graduation Show visual identity. I really really wanna join up in this pitch, not being naive, I want it to appear in my 'weak' portfolio, since I feel that I'm really a newbie in this field, and I'm really green, and I'm a weak-not-outstanding one, I've never -not say never, lets say rarely, won any competitions, I feel that I'm very far from good, and well, basically I have no confidence. 


I really need quite a time to decide whether should I join in this pitch, I feel I had no capability of being persuasive and 'sell' something, in the first place. I had no confidence about the concept I'm going to propose. I know, if you can't even convince yourself, how are you gonna convince other people? There are so many many questions inside my mind that I keep asking myself about my concept. Is this good enough? Why are you choose this out of many things in this earth? Are you sure that this is good enough? Gosh, really, this is driving me crazy.


And, I'm really, really pathetic in case of presentation, especially in English. I'm not fluent in English, well since English is not my mother tangue language. And the worst thing, did you ever imagine my competitors? WOW! I don't even want to imagine that. Okay, let me tell you, what I heard so far, one of them, are a whole class joined as a group. Ouuuhhh~ How can one brain compete with twenty over brains?


From what you heard, you know that you're not gonna win. Definitely. But at that time, I called my mum. Should I say, she's really an angel? She's really wise. I tell her the full story of it, and I shared everything in my mind. What she said to me was:


"You are afraid because you expect something.. You should just take this as an experience, you'll never know. Be dare to challenge yourself, since you know that you're not really good in this kind of thing (presentation), you should take this as an exercise, to make it better. What you need to do it's just go, present your mind, express your idea, expect nothing, and going out. Remember, don't you ever expect something, just give it a try. Sometimes, you know, it's going to be better and all out if you just do it without any burden of expectation."


That's one of the most wise advice I've ever heard from her. She know how to support me, encourage me, and giving an advice in the same time. I really thank God for giving me this wonder woman, I LOVE YOU MOM.


But, the problem didn't stop there. I know that I should give it a try, just give my best, expect nothing, and everything would be okay, problem solved. BUT, as a human being, can you just do something without expectation come with it? You should have, at least, 0.0000000000000000000000000000001% of expectation. Am I right? It's no longer about having zero expectation, it's about HOW TO HAVE THIS 'ZERO-EXPECTATION'? The moment I'm thinking about expecting nothing from this, I have no more interest to join this pitch. But, when I have even 0.0000000000000000000000000000001% expectation, and the fact is just the opposite of it, I would be sad, at least a day, exactly. And it would affect all my mood, my mind, my brain, even my FYP, definitely anything.


Oh gosh! Live is complicated right? I know. GAH!


Please please, for those having an answer for this, please I beg you, leave a comment and give me a hard bang on my head.


Anyway, for those who are staying in Singapore, or gonna come to Singapore, between February 16 and March 2, if I'm not wrong, and interested in Graphic Design, Art, and Photography, you should come to Noise Festival at ION Orchard. One of my project was showcased there! Please do come and support me :D


Thank you very much for read all of those crap in my mind. 
I'll be going to prepare my presentation, which is this upcoming monday, and I can promise one thing here. I'll give my best shot! Promise.
See you in the next post! Have a great night!